Have you ever loved a song so much that it is almost ridiculous? I have, my song is ‘Letting go’ by Steffany Gretzinger… I love this song because it was written at a time of vulnerability for her and regardless of the season she was in she broke past the fear that was hidden in her heart and created. What amazes me about God is how he can take the “ugly” and make it beautiful.
It is at the time of vulnerability that you find yourself #EmbraceTheProcess
By nature, I tend to be very strong-willed and dominating. I am the kind of person who takes on projects and if one of my members is sleeping I take over because I want things done.
Is it broken? We can fix it.
Here is a crack, let’s fix it…
…Yep, that tends to be me on most days.
This fix it mentality has placed me in a position where I would feel like I’m literally wrestling God.
Funny, sometime ago I was having one of those fighting moments with God in my mind and he reminded me of Jacob in the Bible. He reminded me of that really hard and painful experience (At least I assume it was for him).
I was angry, tired and hurt at the same time and all God required me to do is, ‘let it all go’ but I just wasn’t ready.
I knew I had to learn to trust him even when everything was going haywire.
I wanted the pain to go away; I did not understand why it was still there so I fought (and I fought hard). After my little rant, I fell, to my knees and wept… I knew that I had to let go of trying to fix everything and that left a possibility of disappointment which I had to be okay with in the end.
I knew I had to let God; I knew I had to learn to trust him even when everything was going haywire.
I knew it all-to-well because every time I thought I had let go I found out there is something I’m still holding on to; I call this part of my undoing .
So as I wept, as I confessed the hurt and pain that was hidden in me. As I began letting go of this issue, I understood what Steffany meant when she said, “Falling into you.”
Truth is that it is only at the place of letting go that I could fully depend on God’s love to sustain me and keep me going. Letting go has not been a walk in the park but it has been easier. I have learnt…
I am learning…
Not everything that is broken is meant to be fixed. Sometimes you have to let go and get something new. Do not hold on to scraps of what used to be when there is something better coming your way.