New Beginnings; Here Is To Love, Life And Pursuit
“Sit, relax & just write on.”
“What is stopping you?
Go back to your first love.”
These are the daunting words that have been in my heart and mind for the past few months.
January has come and gone, Feb too has come and gone & here we are… the first blog post in what seems like years *Cough Cough*.
Happy New Beginnings, well almost new beginnings 🙂
Why the silence?
Where have I been?
Did the fire die out or was blogging just a fad that quickly died?
To the silence… I needed to press pause.
About where I’ve been… Hiding in the streets of wonder and self-discovery.
Was it just a fad? I don’t believe it was.
I needed space to think, re-think and dream again because Lorddd… knows we need that sometimes.
While life progresses we end up losing a whole lot of meaning.
We get lost in the motion; so lost that we end up missing the fun things that life has to offer such as rhythms, love, beauty and just enjoying the moments.
We forget to catch our breaths and smell the fresh air, to look into our lives and see the beautiful flowers blossoming and the little children playing.
We get so engrossed that what’s left is… a lifeless, motionless, rhythm and what’s the fun in that???
Boring!!!!! And that’s what I have come to realise.
I was so caught up in doing life that I didn’t even know what living was anymore.
As those questions came to mind… I remember looking at my friends and Bawling… It was a Tsunami, a Tsunami I tell you!!!!
Why? This is what my heart was saying the whole time.
I was so stuck doing stuff that I had to do that I let go of what I wanted to do hence putting my first love to the side.
I cried because I genuinely didn’t have the answer to the question or maybe I did.
Fear! What if it doesn’t work out?
Or if it does?
Dude!!! What if I fail?
Or get shunned? #ArmshisReference
…and this my friends is where my dreams, desires and ambitions are normally crippled.
This is where fear takes your heart and stomps on it over and over until there is nothing but a picture of what used to be.
This was the pool of lies that I found myself swimming in and as a result, I was sad, depressed and angry.
There are many instances I let myself go. Healthwise, mentally and physically.
I was so done with life.
Feeling like my dreams are haunting me I started eating my feelings and dreaming away my pain.
The worst part is that I felt ashamed of sharing where I was. I was terrified!
There were times I would wake up and go cry because I didn’t know what to do with myself.
I constantly wondered what was wrong with me.
When that question was asked, it tagged at my hearts’ core and everything I was going through started making sense.
I had let go of so much that I had no time for me, no time to dream and zero ambition/desire to execute any of my ideas.
So what did I do?
I took a step back. Took some time to seek, dream and start again.
I decided that this is my year of YES!
2018 is my year of YES because all new beginnings start with a “YES” somewhere.
It’s a year of trying, trying and trying again no matter what.
Scared? Keep going!
Terrified? More reason to keep pushing!
No matter what curve ball is thrown at us.
We’ll keep moving because we can, will and must push forward.
So to the year of New beginnings, I’m ready for you.
I’m ready for the ups, sides and overs!
Starting Next Monday *Screams* wait for it…
Cover photo by @Mukuria