I believe that vulnerability is a trait that we are born with but we fade it out as we go…
Vulnerable: Capable of being physically or emotionally wounded
Photo cred : Ahurd Pictures ; Web
How you ask?
As infants we would cry when sad, unwell or displeased. As a child we would easily express ourselves vocally when someone has hurt or annoyed us…
As teens, we slowly eased into non-verbal ques i.e. sneers, banging doors, silence etc. Just like teenagers adults share one or two of these traits.
As we evolved we encountered people who toyed with our thoughts and feelings and as a result we directly or indirectly purposed to shut them out. We chose to play it safe and lock everyone out of our lives (Rather parts of our lives).
Let me break it down for you. When you look at an Onion you can only see one part of it; the outer layer. When you look at people it is the same thing.
There is the outer layer which everyone sees.
The outermost layer is where you let people see what you want them to. You tend to have general conversations about the weather, politics, trending topics etc. As you can see it is pretty shallow and can mostly be associated with acquaintances, work colleagues or new people.
The second layer is a tad-bit more open minded. You are more open to having deeper conversations about life and other things you have in common. For women it is your similar style, world view, how you do life, men, etc.
The Third layer is accessed by your closest friend. This could be a best friend. You talk about everything including feelings.
The core is the innermost layer. This is the most guarded of all layers.
This is where your deepest, inner most secrets are; it is where your unspoken dreams and fears are. This layer for the most part is untouched but it shouldn’t. Why do I say this? Well, because this is where depression and all this conditions spiral from.
Vulnerability is hard but it is the one thing that can change your life. It’s the one act that will make or break you. Opening up to the wrong person may destroy you yet to the right friend it will build you.
Maybe you are thinking, how can I get there?
- Be honest with yourself: Acknowledge that there is a risk in opening your heart to people. It is going to be hard because you do not know how they will react. You may get hurt in the process because the person may or may not react based on your expectations and that is okay. I repeat… “That is okay.”… Because they are human.
- Choose Wisely: This applies to your inner buddies and your choice of words. You cannot be vulnerable with everybody. There are certain aspects of your life that very few people can handle. If you are sharing sensitive information that’s hard to digest, do not just dive into it. E.g. let us say it is a self-harming problem or a sort of addiction. It would be wiser to use phrases such as, “I have been struggling with…” Or “I find myself constantly…” this will psychologically prepare them for what you are about to say.
- It is gradual: Take your time in opening up. It is not a one day thing.
- You did it: You told them that you are afraid of getting your heart broken again…. You were vulnerable… You shed a tear or two in front of Stacy… You have been vulnerable.
Is it worth the risk? Yes, every bit of it…